Life's Pleasures

You appear in my dreams too often. Each time leavin me smilin or close to tears.

I wish things could be done to change the situation. I wish I could turn back time to re-live the whole moment. I wish I had done things differently. I just wish things are how I wish things would be.

Just do a little favor for me. Do keep appearin in my dreams.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

5:49 AM

"So we're not gonna keep in contact animore?" And it ended. Ugh! I hate last night's dream. No wait. It was this morning. But then again, I love it. I'll decide how I feel later.

First comes the sorethroat. Next the cough. Then the runny nose. What next? Anything but fever please. I go weak all over.

Got the bad news. Gal, it was just as I suspected. It's been talked about. But I didn't think it would really happen. Everything is a blur to me right now.

I'll leave the unhappiness aside for now.

No ibu, I am NOT attached. That late night talk was a conference. The frequent late night outings were with galfrens. That Saturday, well, you need not know.

I gave my heart to someone sometime back. I either take my heart back or leave it for him to mend that broken heart. The latter sounds so much more appealing. But only time will tell.

You'll be the first to know if anything happens. Orite, I lied. Who am I kidding? Mothers will never be the first to be informed regarding their children's love life. But you'll be told. I promise.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

4:04 AM

Syam, kill me all you want. I am so angry with myself. What could have happen just keeps goin thru my mind. Aarrgghh!!!

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

4:32 AM

I'm still hitting myself but I shall return.

It was 12+ in the morning that I stumbled upon the quote of the day.

Think bout it. Is happiness really always there? Is it us humans who make happiness impossible? Are we constantly afraid or worried or frightened which makes happiness be overcasted by all this feelings?

But what exactly is happiness? Is having everything you ever wanted considered happiness? Your loved ones, all your favorite things. Sure. I can't deny they add happiness to your life. But are you really contented with it. Life sure has it bitterness. Don't tell me you're gonna ignore the problems that life brings. How bout those nasty colleagues who just make you feel lyk not ever returning to work? The high bills & taxes to pay?

I guess all of us have to take things in our stride. And things that can't be controlled have just to be left to the hands of the Great One. Worry? Sure. All of us have to, at certain times of our life. But never, I repeat NEVER, allow this feeling take over our life. It just eats up all the happiness we have build up over time. Take control of things we can & see how other things turn out.

Then what is being happy? Is smiling all day considerd happy? How bout laughing at all the jokes told by a friend? But then, it could all be a false front. The person might be playing along just so that others don't see the sorrow. Deep down inside could all be feelings of negativity.

I use to keep things to myself. It truly hurts. Seems lyk no one is there to assist me in the recovery. I still do. Keep things to myself I mean. Those sappy love songs just do wonders to my feelings. All alone at home with those songs will just leave me in tears. Out in the open, you'll see me swallowing the tears, day-dreaming or just keeping up with the pace.

But I've realized something. Being secrective just hurts me more. I learn to express myself. To anyting or anyone. Closefriends of mine are who I confide in. Certain things I still keep to myself. But to let go of some means I throw the sad & get the happy.

So I guess it all depends on individual how colourful or dull you want to make your life. Keep some. Throw some. You might just find happiness & be happy.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

4:18 PM

Quote Of The Day: Happiness is always here, but covered by thoughts, desires and fears.

Monday, January 24, 2005

2:57 PM

It's been a long time since I updated this bloody thing.

Just got back from Robinsons' Warehouse Sale. It wasn't that gr8 a sale afterall. I guess it's the same for all warehouse sales. I hope it's likewise.

Since I have time in hand, might as well update on yesterday. Things were pretty alright at the start of the day. It was later at noon that problems started arising. Contacting someone we were expecting to turn up at the occasion was impossible. All of us were getting irritated. Myself? Restless. Bingit was certainly the word to describe what all of us felt.

I was definitely getting worried that things were not gonna turn out well. I mean it's the first time I'm really putting my heart & mind into planning something, yet things had to go wrong. It just had to huh? I was almost on the verge of allowing tears to build up.

I was gonna put things aside when the time came for the VIP to arrive. But seeing my galfren lost in the world of hope just broke my heart. I just wish there was something I could do. She just wasn't her usual self, keeping mum the whole time unless asked.I knew she was putting up a false front yet there was nothing I could do to change the situation.

The presence of the VIP[Aan], Amzar & Kiat coloured the whole atmosphere. Bringing laughter & plain fooling around was just what we needed.

Seeing Aan blindfolded surely got me the laughing fits & showering him with seawater just made a perfect ending to the whole surprise. I'm so sorry for telling you that things were cancelled the night before.

Amzar & Kiat, thanks for making the night possible. I just know that I can always depend on you guys.

Gal, I thank you so much for staying by me though there were certain things going thru your mind. You just knew that things had to go as planned. And you thank me too often. You know I'll always be there if you need anything. Absolutely anything.

Come to think of it the circle of people was just right. Except for the absence of someone. Or was it two? It was so much easier to talk & the night was simply special in a certain way. I guess "The more the merrier" philosophy is not always true...

Aarrgghh!! You showed opportunities. I saw opportunities. And I should have...I just hate it when this happens. Sometimes I wonder if my mouth is bloody too heavy to ask just a simple question. Dammit!! *screaming*

Gal, you should know what I'm talking bout but if you're scratching your head while reading thru this then I'll inform you the next time.

Orite! Enuf said bout yesterday. Back to today.

I ges my galfren is not that worried animore. Unhappiness are voiced out & things are settled rite? She's back to her own self I'm sure. Tompang gembira ye? *winks* Oh & bout that pest over at your workplace who's giving you the creeps, I repeat my advice. Just stay away from him as much as you can.

And Dhan, I forgive you on my part. Just please don't repeat it again. You disappointed many. Especially your special someone. We miss your presence and you missed out on a whole lot of fun.

I'm still hitting myself about what I could have done yesterday. Hate myself. I miss him already. Ugh!

Shall return when I stop hitting myself.

Monday, January 17, 2005

3:56 AM

Singapore won the Tiger Cup!

Woah! This is sure gonna be the hot topic among Singapore soccer fans. No wait! I should say among Singaporeans. It sure has been a long time since we as a nation could come together to celebrate a joyous[other then National Day that is] occasion. Since 1998. A victory AGAIN at last!

To see 55,000[i think] Singaporeans cheering on for our team & the team playing to their best, that sure is the greatest feeling. I wish I was there to experience it. Too bad I threw that chance away when my dad asked me whether I would like to watch the match at Kallang Stadium. What is done cannot be undone. So stop thinking bout it Fizah!!

So, to celebrate the night, WELL DONE SINGAPORE PLAYERS! You guys did us proud. And to Singaporeans, continue supporting.

Hah!

One says I'm looking at pretty gals.

And I'm telling the other to say that she's sleeping with a cute guy.

What an adorable couple.

Syam says she is SO into guys with a stubble. Hey! I'm into them too. But I'm more into guys with those boyish looks. Omigod! Spotted so many of them today! Aarrggh! *oops* Sori. Can't help it. Hee!

I'm off. My bed's calling out for me!

Sunday, January 16, 2005

10:15 AM

Gullible. Are people these days so gullible. *hint hint* Seriously I have no idea how he could fall for it. Cmon! I thought you were playin along. But it ended up with me havin to play along cuz you were so taken in by me. Hah!

Sure. I met that guy 2yrs back who's a fren of my fren. And yeah, I did make him wait 2 long years before I gave in. He's currently mine.

Omigod! Can't stand it. Even your gal had you fooled. *haha!* I'm sure those who knew bout it were laughin their heads off last night. Orite, I promise not to breathe a word bout this. Well, I hope I don't. *winks*

Finally. The waiting aniticipation for the opening of Taufik's first album. The album's great. With a chance to win swatch voucher, autographed poster & showcase passes. I'm not one of those crazy fans who dream of marrying him. But heck. Might as well give it a try. At winning those prizes I mean.

A great big YEAH!! It sure has been a long time since you had a hp. And it sure suxs not being to contact you when I need to.

And galfren, read thru your blog. Hey! People might not say it but YOU should know that there are those who will always be there for you. And YOU should know that there are those whose lines are open 24/7 for you to blabber whatever you want. Look around. You might just find them. And till you do so, stay strong & be patient.

Got my video clip up. But the space doesn't go with the size of the clip. I need help on that. Would someone tell me how?

And check out the clip. Yesh! It's Jesse McCartney. He's god damn cute! I'm so in love with the boyish looks. Alright, I'm getting a little too over-excited. *hee*

And to the person who got tricked last night. I'm sorry. Think further. You can't be so gullible anymore. Otherwise the whole world will fool you. But other than that, THE WHOLE DAMN THING WAS ENJOYABLE! *haha!*

Saturday, January 15, 2005

2:48 PM

Somehow it takes time to blog. I've got a whole lot of time in hand but laziness gets to me. But at least I tried today.

Firstly, I've applied at plenty of places. Prayin for a reply. Hopefully over at X:odus. That would be great. But anything is fine.

Oh yeah. You called yesterday. You know what? PLEASE STOP BOTHERING ME!! I've had enough of you. I've heard enough of what you're trying to do. I'm gonna tell you this once & only once. I'M NOT GONNA FALL FOR IT ALL. I thought that maybe you understood that when I didn't answer the first time I was busy or already asleep. But somehow that simple interpretation doesn't get into that little head of yours.

Yeah sure. You're the angel. But don't make me look like the demon. It's fine with me being friends but the way you're doing it, I'm gettin the creeps.

Enough said.

Oh dear Syam. I sure do understand. All of us need to treasure that child in us.

And everybody, check out my new skin.

2:28 AM

Task: To update my blog at the end of the day.

Friday, January 07, 2005

3:55 PM

Un-organized.

One simple word to describe my day. Took hell of a time to get to Balestier ITE. And actually stayed in that school for like 4hrs when all it took to take a photo was 5mins. Aarrgghh!! Life!! Anw, joe. Stay positive. You'll make frens in no time, I'm sure. With a character lyk yours it's impossible to resist. *winks* Widen your circle of frens couz! And remember to intro guys to me. Hah! Anw, you found out that a fren of yours will be there & in the same course too! So I'm sure better things will come to you soon.

Feeling guilty. Didn't get to visit my beloved grandma whose sick. I promise myself I would, but I myself broke that promise. Sori nenek. I will do so soon. Veri soon.

School was in a chaotic state. With people running around trying to recruit sec 1s into their own CCAs. It's the same chaotic state each year during CCA orientaion. But for us netballers, our position is on the line. The school have always wanted to close netball down. But I didn't tink it would be this soon.

Hey gals! Listen up. Your seniors have work their ass to keep netball alive up till we leave the skool. But don't let it die down when we leave. Then where would our hard work go to? You gotta prove both the teachers & ur seniors wrong. And we seniors can't be there 24/7 to tell you what to do cause we do have our own life. You gals gotta be independent at times. I know you gals can do better than what I'm seeing now. Have faith in yourself.

Let me ask you gals something. How deep is your love for netball? Is your love for it because of the fun or is it more then that? Are you really passionate for the sport? Cause if you really are you'll go all out to safe the state that netball is in. Your seniors will give a helping hand if there's anything we can do. But the future of netball lies in your hands. We hope to see a fightin spirit to keep whitley netball alive for a long time.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

3:15 PM

I don't think I wana describe today's event in details. Went job-huntin wif 3 guys..aan..vincent & muhaimin(im rite,rite?). Anw my gorgeous & lovely fren syam busted me to go to johor. But it's ok gal. The day was fine. Managed to apply for some job. Way better than Mon. But one thing for sure I was dead tired. So much more tired than any other days. No idea why.

To think I could forget to give him the gift I got for him from Bali. Wonder when I would see him again to pass it to him. The later it is the more I will forget. Cmon fizah, you can't be THAT forgetful rite??

Now here comes the anger part.

Listen carefully.

It's not that I didn't want to pick up the call. I didn't hear the call. Why would I not answer the call?? Afraid? Frighten? Terrified? Of what? Well, you thank me? Tell you what. You're WELCOME!

It's strange how some of you guys go around venting your anger on gals without knowin how you could get the gal angry too. I'm not sayin we gals don't vent our anger on guys. I'm not denying the fact. I do, once in awhile. I mean we have PMS rite? And knowin how emotional we gals can get, you just do it without thinkin twice. Oh I forgot. Guys have PMS too.

And the prank calls I got yesterday were just plain silly. I'm sure they were Malay or Indian guys. You guys were just too timid to reveal yourself. I mean do u guys have balls or not? Own up if you do. Coz FYI you won't survive in this world if you're such a coward.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

3:02 PM

Goodbye 2004. And welcome 2005. Alot has been goin on for me in 2004. No doubt it's not just happiness. But wat's life without the suffering. I think I'll take life for granted if that's the case.

It sure isn't a good way to a start a new year with the recent tsunami tragedy. But it is a good time for all of us to ponder bout how fortunate we Singaporeans are. And to also learn a simple lesson that life can be gone in just a few minutes because of a natural disaster. So treasure both life & your loved ones.

I simply have no idea what 2005 holds for me. It could be bad. It could be good. But I do hope things will go my way. Well at least for some things coz I can't expect my life to be perfect. There's gonna be ups & downs. That I'm sure.

I'm gona take 2005 slow. Spending every minute wisely wif myself & all those I love. I'll learn to wait patiently for what I want. But if I don't get it I know it wasn't meant to be mine but glad I took a chance on it & take it as an experience all of us need to go thru.

Lastly to all those I love(you should noe who you are), thanks for entering my life & being part of it. Coz all of you played a part in me discovering something new bout myself each time. None of you will ever be forgotten coz in my heart that's where you'll stay. Let us all lead a life we won't regret & hope 2005 will be a smooth-sailing year for all.

Fizah

I do things my way.
So don't stop me.

Don't be afraid to make a wrong move.
Because life has a funny way of making all things wrong seem right.

Memories don't do us much good.
It becomes of a burden as we age.

footprints

don't leave

ALTHEA
AMELIA
ANNICE
CHRISTINA
DAYANA
*GEOK LENG*
HERDA
JASON TOH
JOSHUA
SARAH
SHIKIN
SHIMA
SULINAH
XUELI