Life's Pleasures

I can't believe it's just 2days away to NEW YEAR!!! I can honestly say that it seems like just yesterday I blog on my review of 2004. And now I'm back to sum up 2005!!! Woah!! That's truly amazing.

Yeah I know I'm suppose to talk about all the "How was 2005?" crap on 31st of Dec 2005. But I won't be free for the next 2days, so let's just fastforward a lil'. Furthermore, what difference those 2days make right?

Now here's the overview.

Honestly I don't know to start. I don't even know how to describe the past year. 2005 has been a whirlwind.

First and foremost, the past year have definitely been filled with both the sun and rain. And I'm glad I experienced both or I wouldn't be where I am today.

I met new friends some of whom I've grown very close to (you should know who you are). I've also kept the old ones. Those who grew with me. I think of them and smile. I'd be no one without them standing by.

I got over an old love. One which I never thought I would get over. But well, with my patience, strength and of course my friends' support, I eventually did. But as I told him before, he will always have a special place in my heart and that I'll always be here for him.

2005 was the year I teared the most. And I mean really teared. I know why it happened but I won't mention it today since it has all been said before. It all happened for a reason. And I guess all of it made a stronger me. And I'm pretty sure in 2006 I'll emerge a new and better me.

A cute guy caught my eye and I've pretty much been crazy over him. Too bad nothing has happened and we'll see how things go about next year.

I think in 2005 I grew alot. I've come to a stage in my life where the drama increases with each day. I've grown used to it and am trying to cope with it. Although the drama may be getting more intense with each passing second, I'm glad I have both my friends and family to fall back on. The people and place I know I can always count on.

I wish I could look into 2006 and see for myself what's in store for me in the new year. But I'm no fortune teller so I'll just have to prepare myself for every situation.

Before starting the new year, resolutions have to always be made. Here's my list.

Be a happy person.
To always have a positive outlook on life.
To only shop twice a month.

I'll stick to only 3 this year. Having more than I can take might just result in me breaking all of them.

Am I ready for 2006? I don't know. I suppose I am.

I recently read a Gemini's forecast for 2006 from a magazine. It said I would meet the love of my life in 2006. Well, I hope it's true but I can't say how the new year will be for me. I'll just wait and see.

Entering a fresh new year will be exciting. I'm looking forward to the new experiences and the new people I'll meet.

But one thing for sure is that I'll face the new year with confidence, strength and dignity.

So may each of you have a smashing NEW YEAR!!!!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

1:27 PM

If only a million thanks, "i love you"s, hugs, smiles and kisses can convey the meaning of my love to each and every special person in my life.

7 years apart. Age has never been a barrier between us. The bond we share is the one I hold closest to my heart. Generation wise might be a problem at times. But that's what sets us apart I guess.

The fights we have. The arguments we seem to enjoy. Just minutes later we're back together as if nothing has ever happened.

Our taste in guys. That's one thing we have in common. Well, maybe not totally. Shopping is just a thing we are best at. When it comes to friends we are wise to do the choosing. And I thank god for this personality of ours.

At times I take for granted your presence. Those days you set aside to spend with me I prefer to spend it with my friends. And yes, I do feel guilty. But nothing I do can turn back time. I'll just have to try to change.

I'll take this opportunity to thank you for being in my life. Those 17 years (almost 18) you taught me life's adventures. To never let no one hold me down. I'll keep that in mind always.

A sister I love. A sister I treasure. And a sister I'll always keep close to my heart.

One last thing. Thanks for the Tommy shirt!! *smiles*

She's just one of the many special people in my life. But a recent incident just got me realizing that I'm blessed in life. That I'm more fortunate than many others in the world.

For that I'm going to do less complaining.

But one thing I'll always talk about is how my life is at times empty without a special man. I'll look and wait. But I'll never pressure something that can't be forced.

For those other special people in my life I'll find another place and time to talk about each and everyone of you.

Take me in your dreams at night. Cause' I'll take you in mine.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

2:13 AM

Alright. Two weeks of holiday starts tomorrow. Finally I get to escape from the chaotic atmosphere. The situation itself.

Deeply appreciate this short break to regain myself. And hey!, I badly need to do so before the new year. I'm determined to start 2006 with confidence.

No more pushing around. I stay grounded in life. I'll speak my mind. I'll only take as much as I can. I'm as strong as I think I am.

Christmas is 9 days away. And soon enough 1st January 2006 will arrive.

I've yet to decide how was 2005. I'll be back with my thoughts on 2005 and my 2006 resolutions. So far only made one which I'm pretty sure I'll stick thru with only if I have the support. We'll see about that.

Those fairytales were just dreams I'll never encounter.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

3:47 PM

I feel much better today. After that short lil' escape from the torture chamber of pressure.

So I voiced out what I really felt. The heart which has been heartless for quite sometime finally melted. And I'm glad for that.

I'm trying to avoid the whole situation from happening again. But those mindsets aren't changing isn't it? Have an open mind for goodness sake. The world doesn't just revolve around Y-O-U.

Thanks for the pity. Thanks for the comfort. Thanks for the concern. Hey! I'm not complaining. I appreciate it. Well, I comfort myself each night before I go to sleep too. But what's not working then, you ask.

Words don't much work for me. Where's the effort to make my burden lighter?

Sure. Talk the talk. But do walk the walk. Trust me it works better. At least I feel the support I need.

"Eeee!!! Don't want lah. Problem man. I don't like."

And sure, Fizah likes all of it. Plain BULLSHIT.

This might all sound a lil' too sarcastic. Too bad it's my personal space and I have the right to decide how I want it to sound like.

It's just one of the days when I feel I have power over myself. So please do give me some face.

Let me just forget this whole thing for now though it's still gonna affect me for sometime.

OMIGOD!!! I love it when you wear that top. It just makes you look...... sexy?? Ahah!! You have a charm I can't resist.

Somebody do something to stop me from all this dreaming and drooling. I'll do anything to see you each day.

Finally, thanks again dear for always being a listening ear. No words can say how much I appreciate your presence in my life. And the past was a mistake.

You asked, "You got don't like me before?"

I replied, "Ya. I think got."

I'm being honest my friend. Honesty always works in a friendship. But look at us now. Aren't we the closest of friends? No secrecy between us at all. I friendship I'm not afraid to be me.

I know a million thanks doesn't mean much. But once again I'm going to thank you. Love ya dear.

But you have no clue. No clue at all.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

1:53 PM

A mask I wore for the past few days. Each time I tried to take it off I retreat into the world of pretense once again.

What the hell is wrong with me? It's like I can't stand being where I am right now anymore.

Putting aside the fact that I love the close friends who have stuck with me thru thick and thin. You all know I'm always looking forward to being around you all.

At times I wish I'm not where I am today. But then again, maybe there's a reason for it. To maybe show me that life ain't that simple. To prove myself wrong - that I'm strong and confident.

I'll cry now. But I'll leave you crying in time to come.

NOT FORGETTING A VERY HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO MY DARLING AMELIA LEE!!
LUV YA HONEY!!

Tonight I'm sending a prayer to you and those close to my heart.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

3:36 PM

For the first time, I feel I'm at the lowest point of my life.

I'll be back to explain when I'm in a better condition.

What's the point of looking ahead when I'm stuck in the past?

Saturday, December 03, 2005

2:10 PM

It's been some time since I updated this blog of mine back to back, over two days. But with time in hand, might as well take advantage of it.

Studying wasn't the main thing I intended to do. But with an upcoming ICA next week, I'm just doing my duty as a student. I wouldn't want to look back regretting anything I do.

Alright. This is crap I'm talking.

I'm just not myself tonight. Got a lil' pissed with my mom for I don't know whatever reason. [I really don't know.] I started to throw tantrums by asking her not to disturb me. And she knows me well enough to leave me alone. [Or I might just stop talking to her tonight.] I'm sorry though mom. I'll try to control my moods a lil' better.

Late nights studying for the past few days may have started to take a toll on me. This swingy mood is a perfect example. I'm mentally exhausted but not physically. Sleeping pills might just help but I'm not much of a drug person.

I'm starting to crap if noticed.

Had a heart to heart talk with a very close gurlfriend. Though she had to leave soon as we were studying most of the time and she had to leave for work in an hour's time.

The talk might just have boosted my confidence a lil' more. On taking a chance with what I've been hoping for quite some time. I'm just afraid of the whole situation. [If you understand what I mean.] Maybe with you around it would make things alot less heart-thumping.

Thanks for the short talk though.

Oh!!! And I'm excited to talk about this. Went searching for Sarah dear at her workplace. Was excited to see her after a long time. Tried to give her a surprise. [Were you surprised?] And she definitely looked BUSY!!! That's work afterall.

We'll mee againt soon won't we? I bet we will. Dinner maybe? *winks*

I've got some thinking to do.

It might just calm me down a lil'.

I'm not willing to fall back each time I reach out.

Friday, December 02, 2005

1:19 PM

If only it happens every single week. I thank God for it. Pretty sure I'll start each school day on a pleasant note.

I honestly feel like slapping myself. Why can't I just bring myself to smile? Didn't they say a smile always brightens up someone's day? It's not like I'm not used to smiling. Some of my friends even tell me that they always see me smiling.

I hate myself for this.

A smile is the start of any friendship. Then why hesitate? Urgh!!!

I promise to talk myself out of this hesitation.

Fizah

I do things my way.
So don't stop me.

Don't be afraid to make a wrong move.
Because life has a funny way of making all things wrong seem right.

Memories don't do us much good.
It becomes of a burden as we age.

footprints

don't leave

ALTHEA
AMELIA
ANNICE
CHRISTINA
DAYANA
*GEOK LENG*
HERDA
JASON TOH
JOSHUA
SARAH
SHIKIN
SHIMA
SULINAH
XUELI