Life's Pleasures

Each time I take one step forward, I fall ten steps back.
It's draining me.

I can't keep up with the pace.
I just don't know what to do and where to go now.

I'll curl myself up tonight to keep my mind off all things.

Friday, May 26, 2006

2:27 AM

Everything is out in the open.
There's nothing more to hide.
I'm glad both of us are honest.
That's what builds a beautiful friendship.
The 4years we took to build this friendship is not meant to be broken by one "incident".
Is it even an incident?
I don't even know.
It's just something.

I was waiting for the right time and place to tell you.
Hah!
The place definitely wasn't right.
But the time was.
Sooner or later it would have to be said.

This is the first time we actually confront each other face to face.
I think it feels better than through SMS.
The contact was more meaningful. =)
This definitely strengthens the friendship.
With this, I see that we will withstand the time factor.

You might have seen me tear.
But it's just the recovery process.
I'll be fine.
I promise.

I'm sorry if I made you feel that you were in the wrong.
Trust me I blame no one.
If I were to blame someone it would be me.
No sorrys alright dear??
We all move on and I would have to.

I thank you for giving me assurance.
That's all I need.
You know I love you.

With all that has happened, just keep in mind that we still have each other.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

2:28 PM

The first time always brings greatest memories.
In time to come all will told.
Memories are better than nothing.
That's what I'm telling myself.

Nothing beats the first instance.

Friday, May 12, 2006

10:40 AM

This post would be a memory of Tuesday, 090506. I was too busy then to pour my feelings out into this blog. I'm taking time out now to do so.

Before I start, I would just like to say please pardon the language that I would be using this time round.

I've had my troubles in Yr 1.
I thought maybe, just maybe things would be better in Yr 2.
It was a new start and I was expecting a lil' more.

The first big task.
Hoping it would be a smooth one.

Frustration No.1:
You seemed like the nice one.
Guess what? You're not.
You're just living in your own fantasy.
You want everything perfect?
Sure.
I'll give you that.
At least show me some respect.
Don't say things you won't put action into.
Life is too fucking short for you to play with my mind.
Don't bother cruising up to me and be all nice when you're in need of something.
Trust me I'll bounce right out.

One more thing, my friend doesn't belong to you.
For your info, I've known her for 8 years.
I definitely mean more to her than you.
What's a short trip compared to 8 years.
God, it could have even been a marriage.
You've played with my mind once.
I know your game.
So don't try it out on my friend.
I know her better than you do.
So back off.

I'm doing things for my own sake.
So don't take my exterior as a sign that you're liked.
I'll let you know.
Being a Gemini, I play well with my personality.
When I say, I'm not to be fooled, I mean it.

You wanted me to be a team player?
I did.
You wanted to be a leader?
I let you.
But let me lay down the picture for you.
You're bloody shit not playing your role.
And when I kind of took over the role, you were not impressed and came rolling back.
It's just too late.
I bloody hell know my strengths and weaknesses.
And one of it is my leadership.
I'm not boasting.
But I know where I stand.

I'll let you have your way.
For now.
Soon enough you'll be down the drain.
Oh well, you're half way there.
You're already on my hate list.
And for your info, my hate list is short.
So do rejoice.

Frustration No.2:
I thought you were different.
I guess not.
From day one I trusted what you said.
You said "Okay, sure.", I believed.
Turns out it's all just words.

Something bad happened and I feel for you.
But now I think it's just a lie.
It's just a story.
You have a fucking responsibility for goodness sake.
5mins is all it takes.
At least I know you've done your part.

Too bad this first task is coming to an end.
Too late for you to redeem yourself.
I won't allow you to do so anyway.
You're trying to earn a grade with the work we have done?
Well, it's not happening.
It will never happen.

You left a bad first impression.
And it's staying with me for a very long time.

Alright.
I'm done.
Rewind to today.

I feel so much better.
And I thank the friends whom I complain to for giving me their listening ears.
But I can't believe I was talking til' I literally lost my voice.

Things are not turning out well for me.
I have a feeling for this kind of things.
It's a lady's intuition.
It might for someone else.
But definitely not for myself.
I'd rather not elaborate.
There are certain things I would like to keep to myself.

All seems too near. But I'm not getting any.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

12:18 PM

Tonight I Wanna Cry - Keith Urban

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with this pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

No. Listening to the lyrics of this sad song doesn't put me back in my past and back to square one. It strengthens me even more and ensures me that I can stand on my own feet.

It's one of those nights when things seem to bother me and thoughts are occupying my mind. I don't need it to be perfect. I just want things to be simple.

But I guess nothing's perfect and simple in life. So I'll just look for the imperfect and torturous way out.

Fizah

I do things my way.
So don't stop me.

Don't be afraid to make a wrong move.
Because life has a funny way of making all things wrong seem right.

Memories don't do us much good.
It becomes of a burden as we age.

footprints

don't leave

ALTHEA
AMELIA
ANNICE
CHRISTINA
DAYANA
*GEOK LENG*
HERDA
JASON TOH
JOSHUA
SARAH
SHIKIN
SHIMA
SULINAH
XUELI