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thanks

layout: detonatedlove♥
pictures: ohhspontaneityy
stocks: _excentric_

The truth surfaces. It just took a day.

There's no more denying. Certain things can't be ignored. It's like the black sheep of a family. It stays but you learn to live with it.

I've finally found friends in class whom I can really trust and open up to. I'm blessed because of that.
My smiles are less broken these days.

Keep this in mind: What goes around comes around.

The stress is over. For now.
The worse is over. For now.

Let us enjoy ourselves while we can before we mug for the ultimate worse to come. Let's slow down a lil'. Take life as it come. Take one day at a time. Walk away from the hectic life for awhile.

Was it luck? Was it pure coincidence? Or was it meant to be? Let's just let the Great One decide.

I won't force things. I won't push situations. The future is unknown to me.

Don't expect for too much. Things will turn out fine...

The soft and fragile heart of mine. I've been keeping things to myself for way too long, causing it to form a volcano ready to erupt anytime. And that was TODAY. Not in a loud way but more so, emotionally.

I wonder. Wasn't I stronger in the past? Didn't I use to have better control of my emotions? What happen to the old me? Bring me back to my old self. I miss her. Badly.

Thanks to all who were concerned about me. Cassandra, Geok, Pearlyn, ShuLing, Denny, Beverly. I'm touched and I appreciate it. I'm blessed to have friends like all of you. Though I'm sorry if I got any of you worried. I promise it would never ever happen again.

I'm regaining and pulling myself up again.

Like eggs, we can't fall or we'll break.

The Journey

Close your eyes,
Hold on to my hand.
Never let go,
Cause' I'll lead you the way.

Open your heart,
Feel the love.
The sensation is great,
Trust me it is.

The door up ahead is open,
Don't look back.
You'll regret it,
Cause' that door has been closed long ago.

What the future holds,
Is more than you think.
Take this flight,
It'll be the greatest journey in a long time.....

Take my hand and I'll never let you go.

I want to write poems. I promise myself to find a time for myself after all projects are done to do soul-searching and put my feelings down on paper. Writing poems that is. I miss writing poems. It feels like my life lack of something when I suddenly stop writing poems.

I, Fizah, have made a promise to myself on writing poems again soon. And I will keep that promise.

Don't turn your back on me. Instead walk towards me.

Maybe I'm a lil' too sensitive. And I'm dissapointed in myself for being so. But I can't help it.

I seriously don't know what happened a few weeks back. But it hit me to never say the 3 words to anyone anymore. Not in the face and neither am I gonna do it behind the person's back. It's just too harsh a word.

But, just yesterday someone said that right to my face. Those awful 3 words. I knew it was meant to be a joke. We were joking. But I don't know why those words affected me so much.

Now I know how it feels to hear those words. I'm sorry to those whom I've said those 3 words into their face or even behind their backs. I'm sorry. I feel guilty.

Should I forget about this and move on with life? I don't want to be stuck in this situation. I don't wish to lose a friend. And definitely not a friendship which we have beautifully built.

Fizah: Yes you should!
Moi: Then I will...

When I saw you today, I got all excited. Have not been seeing you for a week. Maybe that's the reason why.

But I've been thinking. Maybe I should give up on love. Love is the most beautiful word yet it hasn't been for me. I'm hoping for that to change. Soon. Very soon.

It hurts when I've found you but you never seem to notice me. I'm hoping to meet you in the middle.

I feel like screaming right this mo. Don't ask me why. I just have the urge. Screaming into my pillow wouldn't help cause I cant hear myself. Hah! That's crap. I need the sea!!!!!!

I want to spend time with my Soul Sistas. Mia is out of town. Ally seems to be non-existence along the corridors of tutorial rooms. Xue is around but we never get to catch up with one another. While Zhen is on the other far end of the school compound. Let's make up time to meet up. That's when Mia has returned. Love ya sweeties!!!

I'm dying to see my darlings Geok, Xiaolin and Sarah again. My shoulder to lean on-Geok. My cute lil' understanding friend-Xiaolin. My favorite advice seeker-Sarah. Hoping to meet up soon. It's been a long long time. Take care for now!!!

This group of people I definitely miss their presence.

Syam-My gorgeous, lovable and irritating gurlfriend. My favorite let-out-problems-to friend.
Aan-My best guyfriend. Simply irresistable in his own way. At the same time annoying. Miss those crazy days.
Amzar-My favorite clown. Funny yet still having a sensitive side. A pure musician of his own kind.
Ain-My chatterbox friend. Those "hate" days are over. You are cute as you.

Let's plan a get-together. I miss the good old days back in malay class.

Le'Farme. Those netball days. Those crapping days. Those depressing days. Those laughing days. Those crying days. Those lovely memories. My favorite netballers to hang out with.

Adeline-Sheep
Qi-Pig
Ling-Bear
Bei-Parrot

We'll meet up soon. Promise!!!

I miss each and everyone of you mentioned above. Thanks for filling up the empty space in my heart and gracing my life.

I'm definitely not forgetting my current precious classmates.

Siti-The crazy one. Currently dazed in her own world.
Zara-The one who never listens in lectures and the one who always smiles to herself.
Pearlyn-The "girlfriend". Love you!! We can never be separated!! *winks*
Cassandra-The chaotic crazy one. Great exciting personality. Love you dear!!
ShuLing-The one with my secret. The one who taught me coin-dropping. You are cute!!
Jon-The one who makes fun of everything. The one who colors the class.
Annie-The sarcastic yet funny one. The happy-go-lucky pretty lady.
Alyssa-The sexy babe. Has a cute laughter. *giggles* Love ya clothes!!
Claire-The tomboy one. But pretty in her own way no one can compare. You rawk!!
Azril-The one who can't dance. Hah! But the one who makes good jokes.
Denny-The "still growing" one. The one who wouldn't mind shopping with girls. Love you like a bro!!

There are many others. I'm sorry I left out the others. But let's leave that for another day. Thanks too all of you for being in BM0508. Let's keep the class united and going!!

And to you. I miss you. You may not know. But I hope this message is sent to you through your dreams at night. Telling you that I need you to at least talk to me. I need someone to hug. I need someone to hold. I need someone to turn to. And I hope it's you.

I'm trying to free my dying soul.

It suddenly hit me hard. I haven't been writing poems. I miss doing so. But I lack the time to sit down and ponder about what to write. Days have been such a rush that I can't even take time off to think things thru.

It will be over soon enough. I need to persevere.

These days I'm never looking forward to the weekends. It's such a dread. I have my reasons.

I'm a veri happy gurl today.

I'm all smiles and laughters.

Don't ask me why. I'm not going to breathe a word.

Sprinkle my life with the colors of love.


I have had friends urging me to update my blog. C'mon!! It was only for a week!!! Haha!! But I'll do them a big favor by updating since I've got time in hand.

Life has been chaotic. Deadlines after deadlines. There always seem to be something that needs to be completed, something to be handed in. Projects are killing me. I'm mentally exhausted. I'm going to breakdown soon. Help!!!!

I've only manage to see you once this week. Please appear infront of me right this mo. Wishful thinking on my part. *pouts*

I recalled listening to radio on the bus the other day. Good Charlotte came to Singapore and one of its member, Benji, was on. He started singing their latest single "We Believe". I melted away. He sang with so much emotions that I almost teared. Not that I'm in love with Good Charlotte or anything, but I think their songs simply rawk!!

It constantly amazes me how songs can change a person's mood. They say you'll feel better after a breakup if you listen to slow songs and that you can rise your level of angerness if you listen to hardcore songs. What more if the lyrics are fantastic.

I have my own comments. But let's just keep that for another day.

I was waiting for my bus just the other day when I saw a lil' boy boarding a bus. I noticed that his shoes were those which had blinking lights. You know the one which the lights would blink if you walk?? Yup those kinds. I smiled seeing those shoes. It brought me back to my childhood days. I would not agree on buying my shoes if it didn't have blinking lights or those that make cute lil' sounds when you walk. Well, at least that was what my mom told me. Oh! And I love my blue fish monger boots now more commonly known as Phua Chu Kang boots. Hee!!

Those we were the days when I could always have my way. And cry if I didn't get it.

But these days to get what I want, I would have to fight for it. Fight for my right. Fight for what I believe in.

I'm closing my eyes to get rid of problems for now.


Take me to a place where I can be free. Be me.

Today was a blast. There was not a moment when I was down or not in my upbeat self.

Too many just happened today.

Firstly it was early in the morning. It doesn't seem like it, but I was shaking standing right there beside you. This time you're definitely too close. Oh damn! did you look fine today. With that oh-so-cool dressing and personality of yours.

This started my craziness for the day again. And I was smiling from ear to ear in class.

Later in the afternoon, I saw you again!! I didn't even notice til' I was a close distance away from you. You take my breath away each time.

After my project discussion, again I saw you. This time at the corridor. You saw me laughing so loudly I was a lil' embarrassed. But no doubt did it get my heart pumping.

Fizah!!! Have control of yourself please. Haha!!

And ShuLing's joke was funny lah. From dropping a coin to sweeping my hair. Haha! I have better things to do my dear. Make sure this is a lil' something between us!! *winks*

The pleasure of seeing you is just too great.

I can't describe my day in one simple word.

I'm filled with emotions. Delighted. Shocked. Surprised. Crazy. Grateful.

All things were pretty slow for first half of the day. Giving exception to the arrival of the I'm-the famous-but-can't-get-my-penalty-right footballer, David Beckham. What more can I say? More than half the gurls in my class disappeared for the second half of Web & Tech tutorial.

Things were a lil' intense after that. Saw you at the canteen. I was dumbfounded for a moment. You were close. Too close. I almost lost my breath looking at you each time. When our eyes met my heart got racing. Fast enough to make me fall right infront of you. It was like seeing a star. A star bigger and greater than Beckham.

That was exactly what sparked off my craziness for the day. And I'm grateful for that. It puts a smile on my face big enough to scare people off. Haha!!

Anyway, they say the past always catches up with you. Just when I recently got over being scared of you, you come right back. Right back into my life. The same old feeling creeps into me. Telling all your friends about me and having their eyes on me. Ugh!! I'm getting afraid all over again.

To bring things to a lighter note, guess what?? I won the Goodie bag prize from Lime! for "A Lot Like Love"!!! I won movie tix, a notebook and McDonald's coupon. They say I would get a poster too, but heck!! I'm happy with what I've won. Catching the movie again tomorrow!!!Haha!!

My crazy mood is coming back...

I can never stop myself from looking at you. And this is killing me softly.

Saw two couples quarrelling. They were simply at each other's throat. Shouting. Screaming. Pinching. Hitting.

That I all saw.

I wonder now. Why get into a relationship when half the time is spent on quarrelling? Of course, differences never fail to exist, but why show the unhappiness out in public? Have some dignity for yourself and your partner. No one wants to be put down in the open. Please be thoughtful.

This could be a sign telling me that I should stop looking for love.

Ugh! I'm damn disgusted at how someone try to make his personality look oh-so-spectacular!! Sure!! You're the face of perfection!! Dammit!! Face it!! No one person is perfect. Take a look around. Do you hear the whispers of hatred by people around you?? Do you actually notice the snide remarks from us?? Oh!! And please do notice how I sneer at you.

It amazes me how the world could consist of people with characters that differ so much. In comparison to the two poles in the world.

I've come to learn that there are bound to be those you dislike. You either live with them or be honest and speak your mind right smack into their faces. Either way it doesn't feel good. They are in this world for a reason too.


I'm getting weaker each day. Speak to my heart. That's where I need medication.

I remember seeing you in the corridor yesterday. We were walking against each others direction. My heart was already beating twice the norm, but when our eyes met, words cant describe what I felt inside.

I wish things were simpler. Much much simpler.

Thinking back to yesterday, when I hanged out with Jon, Annie, Alyssa, Azril, Don, Siti and Zara, I felt it was the first time in a long time that I really enjoyed myself. Laughing like some idiot though I was seriously sick. I felt like I was ME again. From kissing my own foot to singing the national anthem out loud in the hallway where there were lots of people.

It felt like the secondary school days when I would spend half the time laughing and joking and not caring about what else is happening around me. Thanks my friends for making me feel ME again though it was just for a short 2 hours.

Take away the pain from my heart. It's beginning to bleed.

I do things my way.
So don't stop me.

Don't be afraid to make a wrong move.
Because life has a funny way of making all things wrong seem right.

Memories don't do us much good.
It becomes of a burden as we age.



ALTHEA
AMELIA
ANNICE
CHRISTINA
DAYANA
*GEOK LENG*
HERDA
JASON TOH
JOSHUA
SARAH
SHIKIN
SHIMA
SULINAH
XUELI