Life's Pleasures

More than 1month back when school started.

My mom said, "So, I'm sure you'll get a bf when you start Poly right?" I just smiled. I didn't know what to answer.

Yesterday, went over to my couz place. His neighbour asked, "So got bf already?". I replied, "No."
She questioned again, "How can like that? This age still don't have bf." And at that mo I just didn't know what to say anymore. And again I just smiled at her.

Now I wonder. Is there really a certain age you're suppose to get attached? If you don't get attached at a certain age does that mean you'll be doom for the rest of your love life? Now that's a tough question.

I've been in 3 relationships. But none work out the way I wanted it to. I'm just takin a step back from the "love circle". Cause' sometimes love is just exhaustin. Furthermore I'm still healin and that certainly gives me so much more me time. And I got to be really sure before I enter the next relationship.

---------------------------

Suddenly I have that feelin. At first I just made a joke out of it. Now, I take every opportunity to look at the person. I don't even know the person. I only know the person's name. And I'm sure the person doesn't know mine. Was it at first sight? No. I'm sure it's not. But there's this certain aura about the person that attracts me. I've not felt this way for a long time. I don't want to be fooled by things concernin the heart. I don't wish to put my own heart on the line just because of feelins.

I wish things were more defined.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

11:25 AM

Sometimes u feel lyk you're the only living organism on Earth. You feel so alone.

Sometimes you feel lyk the whole world is travellin so much faster than you. You feel that you lack behind.

Sometimes you feel that the whole world is on you. You feel such a burden on you.

That's exactly how I feel.

There's so much to do. But so lil' time.

ICAs. Projects. Friends. Family. Relationship is yet to be mentioned.

The jam-packed life of a Poly student.

I'm exhausted. Not physically but mentally. You can still see me jumping around. But tell me to get down to studyin and my mind goes blank. For now that is.

I'm gettin used to all of this. But it still leaves me thinkin the amount of stress we need to go thru each day and how sometimes we find it totally impossible to cope with.

Enough of school talk.

I love my "boyfriends"!!!!! Haha!!

"Boyfriend" No. 1 is my favorite. "Boyfriend" No. 2 is also a favorite. Hee!! But too bad I have to share "boyfriend" No. 2 with Geok..Right Geok??? Haha!! And I'm lookin out for "boyfriend" No. 3. I'm jealous that Geok already got a "boyfriend" No. 3. Haha!!

Omigod!! What trashy girl talk!! Must be the stress we are goin thru right this mo.

Aniway Mia, stay strong girl. We'll get thru Poly life together. I understand what you're goin thru. I'll always be around[you see alot of me in campus don't you?] if you need someone to talk to. You can even call me durin tutorial or lecture & I'll be out in a sec to be with you. Just know that all your Sistas and myself love you. Take care DEAR...

You may falter. But look around and you'll notice that love, hope & faith are just around the corner.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

9:20 AM

Immune system has been down for the past few days. I have slight difficulty in breathin & sleepin each night is a chore. Could be the rain. Could be my sis. Could be my body.

I'm reminded to update bout' an encounter yesterday. Hah!

Was at Adam Road havin dinner. Then, a guy appeared lookin oh so fine!! Yeah I know..Gals!! But hey! What about guys?? Hee..He was a height I simply love. A look that screamed "I'm HOT!!" without him knowin it. And his dressin? I don't need to explain. Cause' his style does the talkin. And read this Syam!! He sure does have a STUBLE!! Haha!! And damn does he look cute with it. One more thing that just completes the package ; he rides a BIKE!!!

He's simply HOTT!!

Too bad he's taken. Well, not lyk I'm gonna get crazy. He's just there for me to adore.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

6:33 AM

We Belong Together-Mariah Carey

I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should've let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid
I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself

'Cause I didn't know you
'Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling now
Now that I don't
Hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, 'cause baby

[Chorus:]
When you leftI lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody there
We belong together

I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Singing to me
'If you think you're lonely now
'Wait a minute
This is too deep, too deep
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things
Crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life baby

[Chorus]

[Repeat chorus]
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
Baby nobody else
We belong together

~This is a beautiful song to sleep to.~

Words express more than what it means.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

12:10 PM

Finally!! Finally I got to meet up with Sarah though it was only for 2 short hours. Still, it's better than nothing. She hasn't changed one bit. Still the same own self. And stay that way babe!!

When back to Whitley to get the 'O' Level Cert. The school surroundings have changed. New chairs & tables. Music bein played in the canteen.

I miss the times back in secondary school. Life was much simpler. Life was much easy-goin. The innocent times when we made fools of ourselves.

Met Mrs Oehlers. She sure look good in her new hairstyle. Anyway, that's out of the point. What she said was true. Everywhere we go life is stressful. Secondary school, JC, Poly. It makes no difference. It's us who take control of this stress instead of it controllin us. Take it as it comes. Life might just make a lil' more sense to each of us.

Geok mentioned bout that girl from her lecture group. The Miss Freshie. No wonder Aan's afraid of her. She's tryin too hard to get attention. She's loud. She's everything u can think of a bimbo.

Expressin to the whole world how cute he is. I know that. People know that. So maybe you were just a lil' slow in tryin to figure that out. Have some respect for yourself, Gal. You don't need to go around annoucin things which in return might gain you some bad comments.

Read her blog. C'mon! Hate a guy just because he didn't turn up for Jam 'n' Hop? That's pretty disgraceful isn't it? Do you even know why he wasn't there?? Go figure. And I'm doin you a favor right now by tellin you that we gals need to know the right time to mellow down & when to go crazy. Please do some soul-searchin.

Don't get things wrong, people. You might think. "Fizah is simply jealous." I'm not. And I've never been. He's no longer mine & I have no right to be jealous. I've said it before that he's the greatest guy fren I've met & still is. I'm just tryin to express myself. I know what he's lyk. And for him to actually have met The Miss Freshie, I understand why he felt that way. Furthermore, even Geok herself didn't favor her. What more myself or Aan.

I've had enough of speakin my mind today. I'll be back when I have more to say.

Friday, May 20, 2005

11:45 AM

The weather has just been very depressin these few days. It keeps pourin. Night or day.

And today when I was pretty in a rush to get to school[which the rain makes it difficult to], I just had to come across 3 idiotic, ridiculous guys who were plain slow when it comes to usin their brain[a civilised way of sayin "stupid"].

Just when I was about to board the bus, one of the guys came over & asked me where was the Bishan Park. I told them, "Can't you see where is the park?". Then another asked what bus leads to the park. And I told them, "Happy walkin in the rain to the park."

With nothin else to do, they had to question me with lame questions which I wasn't willin to entertain with the weather that bad. They were simply wastin my time.

And OH GOD!! Those pick-up lines were utterly low in standard. Are guys these days gettin too complacent?? I wonder how they actually act in front of most gals.

Please guys! We gals are intelligent. Don't think we would fall for anything short of standard. Some might. But most would not. And I am one example. Get down to more thinkin before goin ahead with any actions. Cause' sometimes what comes out from the "stinks" & it turns me off.

2:20 AM

I'll start things off with Sunday. I did go to Faraheen's birthday party. It wasn't really that great. I mean I didn't know more than half the people who were actually there. But that didn't really matter. The presence of my lovely friends just made the night wonderful. Simply chillin & talkin brought me back to the nostalgic years. Oh...I sure miss them a whole lot.

Cover your ears now. I'm gonna scream. *AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH* haha..alright, maybe that was a lil' unnecessary. Things ended on a good note that night. BUT I had to suffer the reoccurrence of rashes. Sufferin the whole night thru itchin & scratchin myself. UGH!! The thought of what happened that night simply disgust me.

The next day, the itch didn't reduce that my mom had to brin me to the doc. And the jab I was given put me to sleep only an hour later. AND THAT WAS SIMPLY GREAT!! Cause' I had a quiz the next day. Well, what's done can't be undone.

The rest of the week went pretty alright.

But I'm gonna complain bout one thing right this mo. I'm suppose to start class at 5pm today. I intended to wake up at 12pm. BUT some stupid drillin takin place two floors up WOKE ME UP!! And now I have to tolerate the noise til' I get out of the house.

I'm dyin to get out of this HOUSE!!!! The noise is KILLIN me!!

Oopps!! Before I forget something, I wanna wish Syamilah a veri Happy 17th Birthday!! I'm sorry galfren I can't be celebratin your birthday. But I'll try to find tyme aight?? You take care & stay HOT!!

I'm OUT!!

Sunday, May 15, 2005

7:35 AM

Jam 'n' Hop was spectacular!! Totally fantanbulous!! Alright, maybe it lacked the right atmosphere & the crowd. And thank god they tuned back to hiphop after awhile or I would have left early rather than dance TECHNO!! That's just so disturbin. Lyk Ally said, it was lyk goin to Sparks!!

But after last nyt, I'm so eager to go clubbin!! My babes lyk Melia & Ally are people to brin clubbin. They are so on. Love them to bits!! Hope to see you ladies in school more often. Oh! And the people in their class are as cool as them!

My class wasn't that bad either. At least I knew half the class was there. You people rawk!! And we all got HIGH last night!!

Mia
LoVe your blue TOP!! You look totally RETRO!! Shake your booty!! haha..I'm takin you clubbin!! Love you babe!!

Ally
This sExY lady!! You blow my mind with your moves!! And I love your button earrings!! haha..You're a sure clubbin partner too!! Love you darling!!

Siti
You told me you couldn't dance. But hey! gal, you sure can with a lil' more practice! *winks*

Zara
Woah!! This minah tudung actually danced!! But move more gal!!

Peiluan
This petite lady?? They may call you mimi, but you are the mimi who can dance!! You sure shake your body well!!

Cassandra
You sure heightened the atmosphere at the party with your craziness!!

And the rest of the gals, you gals simply made the night memorable..

Not forgettin bout the pics I took with Melia & Ally, I'll be gettin them from Melia. And babe, don't worry too much bout the lost pics..

Back to reality.

I'm sufferin from a slight headache. Must be from the partyin last night. It feels as though I'm havin a hangover. *screams*

Tryin to complete my tutorial work as I might be out the whole day tomorrow. Yet, it's not comfirmed whether I'll be goin. But I want to . I miss Syam. I want to see her. It's been a very long tyme.

Aarrgghh!! I think I better leave now before I start knockin my head against the computer to get the pain off my head..

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

12:25 PM

Just as I had hoped for this afternoon, I'm back ryte now to do more intense updatin of this long untouched blog of mine.

Alright, goin way back to the last 2wks on the 18 April. It was the start of a new school life at Nanyang Polytechnic. The orientation was for 3 days. The whole thing was a blast except the exhaustin part of it. Of course friends were made & my class?? It's a nice mixture of people from different background. Oh! And my OGLs?? Were they cool or what?? And the upcomin Jam 'n' Hop.. Count me in. [I hope I can make it.]

Came the fourth day & it was down to serious things. This has never been & will never be enjoyable. But guess what?? That's how things work.

Up til' now the workload is pilin up with an ICA comin next week. And all you hear from me now is "stressed" and "tired". But of course with the presence of my class & my closefrens lyk The Soul Sistas & Geok, life in school has been a breeze.

Aarrgghh!! I'm dyin to go for a shoppin spree!! I can't believe I could live w/o shoppin for 2 entire weeks. And not forgetttin, if I can't manage a movie marathon, watchin one new released movie would be fine.

Fizah, you know you will find tyme so stop whining!!

Movin on to what I have been hopin to express.

I remebered watchin an episode of OC [currently my fav. tv series!!], and this line was mentioned twice - "Maybe we could never be just friends." Marissa said it to Ryan. Seth said it to Summer. This simple line left me thinkin for days. Was it possible? Is there such a thing as "could never be just friends"? Give it some thought. It might just change how you see a relationship and would actually give some serious thoughts when enterin one.

Personally, I am not done thinkin. I'm still tryin to process certain things. I'll be back to further express my feelins. And I've come to realize that it's this kind of simple lines or things that have changed me over the years especially in the past 4-6 months. Nope. Not physically but emotionally & psychologically.

So, to end this post of mine, I would just like to give an advice to all. Take notice of the smaller details. They might make a bigger change in your life. The bigger picture doesn't always give such a gr8 impact. This is because, always start small before goin to bigger things.

4:51 AM

Right at this mo in tyme, I'm in Ms Loy's class havin a break. This bloody lab lesson is freakin boring, I actually spend half the tyme starin at the screen instead of listenin to essential facts which might be important for the module.

Aniwae, I miss my Soul Sistas. Particularly all of them. And I've yet to meet Geok this week.

So, till I find the tyme again [hopefully tonight], I will take my leave ryte now.

Fizah

I do things my way.
So don't stop me.

Don't be afraid to make a wrong move.
Because life has a funny way of making all things wrong seem right.

Memories don't do us much good.
It becomes of a burden as we age.

footprints

don't leave

ALTHEA
AMELIA
ANNICE
CHRISTINA
DAYANA
*GEOK LENG*
HERDA
JASON TOH
JOSHUA
SARAH
SHIKIN
SHIMA
SULINAH
XUELI